Desserts or Stressed?
I have been thinking about writing about this topic for quite sometime. Depression and stress seem to be more prevalent around us.
I have been noticing in public forums or even around me that many are extremely stressed or depressed despite their life being good for a 3rd person who looks at their life.
what could be the reason? Unrealistic expectations ? The need to compete? Or chemical imbalance due to the lifestyle changes?
The housewives of the previous generation were less depressed or stressed than the working wives today.
People keep saying social media plays a huge role in inducing such stress and depression among the society . Seeing people happy on FB/Instagram/etc makes people compare their lives with others and feel depressed that they are not enjoying as much. But in reality are those supposedly happy couples/people really happy? Finally instead of blaming the social media, isn't it our duty to change our attitude?
There has been many cases of H4 visa depression among housewives for generations, but instead of decrease over the years, it seems to have increased. Inspite of being so educated and well informed they blindly agree to go there for the sake of marriage and blame the husband for not supporting them.
People tend to forget their capability. The moment people realize others seemingly more capable of many things/multi talented are not superior, the intensity of the depression due to such comparison will reduce.
To whom are we constantly trying to prove? The moment we realize we are not living to prove anything to anyone, our mental health improves.
Materialistic expectations , living beyond one's means is another huge contribution to stress and depression. Taking huge loans to buy houses without analyzing the long term impacts, or just because the elders feel that you may end up wasting all the money you are earning, or just because your uncle's son or aunt's son in law has invested in a house you are made to feel inferior if you don't invest in a house and this creates a huge stress for the individual.
Many elders are mainly responsible for comparing and making their children get into such a scary situation called housing loan at the wrong time of their life.
I really want to understand, why the elders who did buy a house at a later stage of their lives after being a responsible father/brother/husband who knew to prioritize when to invest in a house are forcing their children to start a house loan even before they start a family because of high income ?. Unfortunately that early stress doesn't let them become parents easily due to chemical imbalance/hormonal changes in the body due to unnecessary stress at the wrong stage of their life.
This constant need to prove themselves attitude of the youngsters has even caught on with many of the older generation . The ones who lived a better life doing whatever they did have started feeling they have wasted their lives by not working or being a career woman. Little do they know how well they were treated when compared to the young married working women of today among who many still need a permission to even buy a pressure cooker for their house inspite of earning a few lakhs per annum.
I had the worst shock of my life when i interacted with one of my acquaintances who is above 65. She felt very she was unhappy in her marriage all of a sudden. She told me , I see on facebook how love dovey your generation is and how my husband was never this expressive or supportive . I was just made to be one dutiful housewife but was never treated with love and care like people in your generation seem to do?!.
That's when i realized how much our social media has made her generation blind. I thought to myself , how many sarees her husband gifted her, how many jewels he gifted her, how comfortably she lives, There was nothing he din't provide as a dutiful old school husband. And little does she know how many guys of this generation don't have the above mentioned duties as a priority because their wives are earning and they can provide all that for themselves but at the same time they seem to make sure she doesn't do all that just because she can afford it. lol. Checkmate :P .
I felt sad to see her feeling for unreal stuff. I had to tell her about the reality of the present generation. She couldn't believe that things were different behind those lovey dovey FB photographs or statuses.
Unrealistic demand fever has even caught up with the older generation. :(
When it comes to marriage, we know the attitude, expectations, way of upbringing and still get in with an idea of changing them? Seriously?? If changing was that easy, we could have tried changing like the other with a view to saving the relationship instead of changing them just because we feel they are traditional/orthodox.
Nobody wants to see or accept the reality. Nobody wants to think or analyze. They want to go with the flow.
I have personally heard mothers advising their daughters , go make yourself financially independent, you don't have to be treated like a cook/servant like me at home post marriage and you don't have to listen to anyone because you are earning and you can do whatever you please .
With such thoughts many become financially independent for the wrong reasons and end up realizing after marriage, other than being a cook / doing household chores,their mom's lived a more comfortable life and were better provided for by the old school dads of theirs despite being financially dependent. And despite being financially independent, these youngsters of today seem to be a financial servant for the family and is not even being provided the freedom she felt she would get post marriage after being financially independent. When reality is different, we tend to go into the state of stress. But they seem to face the society with i am so fine attitude.
I am not generalizing or judging , but there have been lot of such instances happening around me. Why can't mothers give a better reason to their daughters for being financially independent? Teach the daughters reality of life so her expectations are practical and she is able to handle reality well.
Sons of working mothers are the other set of people who seem to have unrealistic expectations. I am not generalizing but many seem to expect their working wives capability to be like that of their mothers in managing both home and office effortlessly like a wonder woman . Why can't the boys see the amount of stress in the same field of work and the time spent at work is the same for both boys and girls and can't expect their wives to be efficient like their moms at home ?
It is not like i am writing an article for a publication that i have to pin point various circumstances or provide data/ statistics, but i am just talking about the real instances i have seen around me.
All the above instances, it is not about being right/wrong or perfect/imperfect. It is about how do we bring about a change?
There is no "one solution fits all" ,as the priorities of people differ. All kind of marathons running, losing weight, eating healthy alone hasn't made the difference. The need to face reality is required to improve our mental health.
The art of learning to be satisfied with ourselves helps a lot. I really wish the older generation instills the important values they learnt about family to the younger generation that " Family is never about ME but is always about US." If this is not done , the institution of marriage/family will slowly become extinct at the rate which it seems to be going.
I wish every individual would sit and really think what stresses their lives? Is it the need to achieve? Is it not being able to handle work stress? Is it because of the huge loans taken at the wrong time? Is it peer pressure?
Each one of us must take a firm stand and fight the things which stresses us..Learn to take a break. Learn to say no. Stop fighting for less important materialistic issues. Fight for our mental health. Learn the art of adjusting for the family from the previous generation. Try and Stop living beyond our means for 3 months. Small changes will make us realize what makes us feel better. Extreme adventure sports might help you feel better at that moment. Then we come back to reality when we get back home.
This post is about my observation about what seems to be happening to people of my our generation. Where are we heading to?
Please feel free to share your thoughts on this issue. Would like to hear different perspectives! cheers!
I have been noticing in public forums or even around me that many are extremely stressed or depressed despite their life being good for a 3rd person who looks at their life.
what could be the reason? Unrealistic expectations ? The need to compete? Or chemical imbalance due to the lifestyle changes?
The housewives of the previous generation were less depressed or stressed than the working wives today.
People keep saying social media plays a huge role in inducing such stress and depression among the society . Seeing people happy on FB/Instagram/etc makes people compare their lives with others and feel depressed that they are not enjoying as much. But in reality are those supposedly happy couples/people really happy? Finally instead of blaming the social media, isn't it our duty to change our attitude?
There has been many cases of H4 visa depression among housewives for generations, but instead of decrease over the years, it seems to have increased. Inspite of being so educated and well informed they blindly agree to go there for the sake of marriage and blame the husband for not supporting them.
People tend to forget their capability. The moment people realize others seemingly more capable of many things/multi talented are not superior, the intensity of the depression due to such comparison will reduce.
To whom are we constantly trying to prove? The moment we realize we are not living to prove anything to anyone, our mental health improves.
Materialistic expectations , living beyond one's means is another huge contribution to stress and depression. Taking huge loans to buy houses without analyzing the long term impacts, or just because the elders feel that you may end up wasting all the money you are earning, or just because your uncle's son or aunt's son in law has invested in a house you are made to feel inferior if you don't invest in a house and this creates a huge stress for the individual.
Many elders are mainly responsible for comparing and making their children get into such a scary situation called housing loan at the wrong time of their life.
I really want to understand, why the elders who did buy a house at a later stage of their lives after being a responsible father/brother/husband who knew to prioritize when to invest in a house are forcing their children to start a house loan even before they start a family because of high income ?. Unfortunately that early stress doesn't let them become parents easily due to chemical imbalance/hormonal changes in the body due to unnecessary stress at the wrong stage of their life.
This constant need to prove themselves attitude of the youngsters has even caught on with many of the older generation . The ones who lived a better life doing whatever they did have started feeling they have wasted their lives by not working or being a career woman. Little do they know how well they were treated when compared to the young married working women of today among who many still need a permission to even buy a pressure cooker for their house inspite of earning a few lakhs per annum.
I had the worst shock of my life when i interacted with one of my acquaintances who is above 65. She felt very she was unhappy in her marriage all of a sudden. She told me , I see on facebook how love dovey your generation is and how my husband was never this expressive or supportive . I was just made to be one dutiful housewife but was never treated with love and care like people in your generation seem to do?!.
That's when i realized how much our social media has made her generation blind. I thought to myself , how many sarees her husband gifted her, how many jewels he gifted her, how comfortably she lives, There was nothing he din't provide as a dutiful old school husband. And little does she know how many guys of this generation don't have the above mentioned duties as a priority because their wives are earning and they can provide all that for themselves but at the same time they seem to make sure she doesn't do all that just because she can afford it. lol. Checkmate :P .
I felt sad to see her feeling for unreal stuff. I had to tell her about the reality of the present generation. She couldn't believe that things were different behind those lovey dovey FB photographs or statuses.
Unrealistic demand fever has even caught up with the older generation. :(
When it comes to marriage, we know the attitude, expectations, way of upbringing and still get in with an idea of changing them? Seriously?? If changing was that easy, we could have tried changing like the other with a view to saving the relationship instead of changing them just because we feel they are traditional/orthodox.
Nobody wants to see or accept the reality. Nobody wants to think or analyze. They want to go with the flow.
I have personally heard mothers advising their daughters , go make yourself financially independent, you don't have to be treated like a cook/servant like me at home post marriage and you don't have to listen to anyone because you are earning and you can do whatever you please .
With such thoughts many become financially independent for the wrong reasons and end up realizing after marriage, other than being a cook / doing household chores,their mom's lived a more comfortable life and were better provided for by the old school dads of theirs despite being financially dependent. And despite being financially independent, these youngsters of today seem to be a financial servant for the family and is not even being provided the freedom she felt she would get post marriage after being financially independent. When reality is different, we tend to go into the state of stress. But they seem to face the society with i am so fine attitude.
I am not generalizing or judging , but there have been lot of such instances happening around me. Why can't mothers give a better reason to their daughters for being financially independent? Teach the daughters reality of life so her expectations are practical and she is able to handle reality well.
Sons of working mothers are the other set of people who seem to have unrealistic expectations. I am not generalizing but many seem to expect their working wives capability to be like that of their mothers in managing both home and office effortlessly like a wonder woman . Why can't the boys see the amount of stress in the same field of work and the time spent at work is the same for both boys and girls and can't expect their wives to be efficient like their moms at home ?
It is not like i am writing an article for a publication that i have to pin point various circumstances or provide data/ statistics, but i am just talking about the real instances i have seen around me.
All the above instances, it is not about being right/wrong or perfect/imperfect. It is about how do we bring about a change?
There is no "one solution fits all" ,as the priorities of people differ. All kind of marathons running, losing weight, eating healthy alone hasn't made the difference. The need to face reality is required to improve our mental health.
The art of learning to be satisfied with ourselves helps a lot. I really wish the older generation instills the important values they learnt about family to the younger generation that " Family is never about ME but is always about US." If this is not done , the institution of marriage/family will slowly become extinct at the rate which it seems to be going.
I wish every individual would sit and really think what stresses their lives? Is it the need to achieve? Is it not being able to handle work stress? Is it because of the huge loans taken at the wrong time? Is it peer pressure?
Each one of us must take a firm stand and fight the things which stresses us..Learn to take a break. Learn to say no. Stop fighting for less important materialistic issues. Fight for our mental health. Learn the art of adjusting for the family from the previous generation. Try and Stop living beyond our means for 3 months. Small changes will make us realize what makes us feel better. Extreme adventure sports might help you feel better at that moment. Then we come back to reality when we get back home.
This post is about my observation about what seems to be happening to people of my our generation. Where are we heading to?
Please feel free to share your thoughts on this issue. Would like to hear different perspectives! cheers!
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