I would fall for you if......
Blogging is fun !! It's more fun when it is unplanned and random !! When the whole world is in TGIF mode,it's fun to juggle with words and topics in our so called blog!!! I had always been interested in writing about day to day practical topics as it could be understood and connected by all both in a positive and negative way !!! Supporting comments/views and raging bulls against the views haha but that's what makes the blog a complete meaningful one.
Ok so now I am a 27 year old mature girl ( Cuz i assume and some agree too :P ) I had been in discussion with so many of my friends and family members and acquaintances regarding the priorities in life and about why i am taking this long to choose my life partner or thinking so much in deciding about the guy parents are trying to choose for me. Seeing so many of them in the same situation made me more clear about the scenario around.
The more you talk to people,meet different kinds of people you have greater exposure regarding various individuals, their priorities, their tastes, their views on life. I am no one to comment on who is right/wrong or what is right/wrong. Right or wrong is always a relative term and i always believe priorities decides it for the individual ! But i discovered that a lot of them were actually unaware of their priorities.
Family/people/friends ask me what is that i am looking out for in a life partner or do i have so many conditions! I laughed to myself,conditions ? me ? no !!!! I kept asking the same questions to many who could be asked the same questions, trying to figure out how different each individual is, or was it only me who was different.
There was this hour long discussion with one of my childhood friends about what would he look for in his prospective life partner when it came to an arranged marriage. He replied i would look out for common Interests and i should be able to gel well with her. Other than the basic details which would help me in ticking off to go to the next level to get to know her better. I asked him,Do all boys expect only this from their life partner and he replied i cant say yes but many boys feel that this is important. And in turn he asked me what do you see initially for saying yes to a boy, all that i know is girls are very fussy .
"Hahaha " , i laughed. I said will you believe me if i tell i have zero conditions unlike your assumptions ? He said no way ! I then said ok let me explain. For me this is how it goes. Dad takes care of the education and work/salary criteria part of the boy and mom the horoscope part of it for the decision. And after that it comes to me for the approval of how the boy looks. If everything is all good but if i am not comfortable with how the guy looks then we don't proceed with it. He asked, " Then do you say ok immediately if these stages are passed? " I said no , definitely next stage would be interaction with the boy to see if we are able to be comfortable with each other.Then it goes from there. He asked me, " Don't you feel you both need a lot in common to gel well? " I said no, not at all. Yes definitely common interests help to gel well initially but i feel there is something more because just getting married is not important, staying married is more important. I said, i would say its very similar to the scenario as how prestigious institutes can help you get a job, but it's the skills which would help you stay in the job !! :) So i feel there are much more important things than just similar interests. He laughed and asked me could you explain more?!
I said ok, see Interests are something which can be developed overtime, just that we shouldn't have a closed attitude. The interests which we had 5 years back are not there now! It is not constant. So how can we decide just based on similar interests? He gave me a confused look. I joked oh most of you guys are so silly and childish. Let me explain in a way you boys understand. If travel is a common interest for us both, initially we would love to talk about the places we have visited and our bucket lists. Even in that one common interest travel,there can be differences!! " Differences?" he asked. I said yes. As a boy you may like to travel to lot of budget friendly places and activity filled places. But as a girl initially i might enjoy those but chances are there few girls may prefer only luxurious travel and shopping! There should be maturity between both regarding when to choose which destination. Will you say ok if your wife wants to travel only to luxurious places?? He said " No way,If i keep spending for only travel like this how can i run my family?" I Laughed haha thats why i felt more than the similar interest here, you need maturity in handling the interest. Even if she is not a regular traveller but she has an affinity for travelling, the girl will understand the priority,need and be able to handle the situation with maturity than an avid traveller who would want to pursue her interest in travelling to luxurious places! Come on she is not wrong i said !! He giggled!
I asked, " I have a doubt, do you guys really think about life after or just choose a girl based on the initial common interests? " He replied , " Once we both gel well due to our common interests,We both will be able to adjust forever. " I laughed and asked, "Come on you really think so?" " I assume" he replied. I said i will ask you a set of questions, answer me , then i will agree with your assumption. He said ok.
I always felt it is these things which are really very necessary in helping couples to stay married.
1) The similarity between what we want in life or out of life. One person maybe materialistic another person may not be. We should see if that attitude matches. Because if the guy is not materialistic but the girl is, problems starts as life goes as the need and wants won't match and both of them would be dissatisfied always.Common interests won't help you dude! Similarly if the Guy is materialistic and the girl is not, tensions and dissatisfaction prevails.
2) Similarity in values i.e traditional/modern. As a guy you maybe very modern but in the process of looking out for a supposedly very modern/cosmopoliton girl you forget in the case of an arranged marriage, your parents are very important and they would expect the girl to follow certain traditions as the daughter in law if they are traditional. And trust me, there are modern/cosmopoliton girls who feel following even those certain basic or simple traditions is not necessary/important and that's how she has been brought up.Are you ready to face disagreements between your partner and your parents forever if your life partner is similar to the above mentioned one? Being modern/cosmopoliton includes dressing,attitude,behaviour,being independent. There is nothing right or wrong. Check if that other person's values would disrupt the harmony and peace in your day to day life.
3) Basic character and attitude generally. If that would be suitable for you and the family. Because that's the only thing which doesn't change even if interests change.
4) Handling each others temperment. If each one is able to converse normally with each other without any major conflicts or being irritated and if they are able to handle each other during the bad mood days !!!
5) If the partner is " I need space" kind , will that kind of person gel with you in the longer run? Because as a guy you may feel the need to stay together with parents in their old age, But definitely you must check with the temperament. attitude, maturity and willingness for the Old School thoughts for peace and harmony in the longer run because this is an arranged marriage.
He asked , "so do you think staying together and looking after parents in their old age is old school thought" . I replied , " Yes definitely. If you expect a very modern independent/cosmopolitan girl,she will always need her space and would like to stay alone whether its her parent or your parent. You cant expect her to change her nature as and when you wish."
Don't you feel these are major criteria to be checked or boxes to be ticked instead of just common interests box?! I said most of you guys are so childish, you don't think about what is important in the longer run and what has to be expected initially and what can be developed/changed and what cannot be. He scolded me saying never make a generalized statement. We boys know all this too just that we may take time in thinking and analysing things. And don't think you girls are very smart ! We boys also know!!
After a small girls vs boys argument. He said i have to admit what you have mentioned is agreeable and these things have to be pondered on. He was so proud of my mature way of thinking!! He asked me ,So are these the qualities which would make you fall for a guy?
I replied, " Hahaha ... Yes attitude towards life is very important to me. But yes If the guy also look like one of my favourite heros, I would fall for him immediately ;) :P."
Ok so now I am a 27 year old mature girl ( Cuz i assume and some agree too :P ) I had been in discussion with so many of my friends and family members and acquaintances regarding the priorities in life and about why i am taking this long to choose my life partner or thinking so much in deciding about the guy parents are trying to choose for me. Seeing so many of them in the same situation made me more clear about the scenario around.
The more you talk to people,meet different kinds of people you have greater exposure regarding various individuals, their priorities, their tastes, their views on life. I am no one to comment on who is right/wrong or what is right/wrong. Right or wrong is always a relative term and i always believe priorities decides it for the individual ! But i discovered that a lot of them were actually unaware of their priorities.
Family/people/friends ask me what is that i am looking out for in a life partner or do i have so many conditions! I laughed to myself,conditions ? me ? no !!!! I kept asking the same questions to many who could be asked the same questions, trying to figure out how different each individual is, or was it only me who was different.
There was this hour long discussion with one of my childhood friends about what would he look for in his prospective life partner when it came to an arranged marriage. He replied i would look out for common Interests and i should be able to gel well with her. Other than the basic details which would help me in ticking off to go to the next level to get to know her better. I asked him,Do all boys expect only this from their life partner and he replied i cant say yes but many boys feel that this is important. And in turn he asked me what do you see initially for saying yes to a boy, all that i know is girls are very fussy .
"Hahaha " , i laughed. I said will you believe me if i tell i have zero conditions unlike your assumptions ? He said no way ! I then said ok let me explain. For me this is how it goes. Dad takes care of the education and work/salary criteria part of the boy and mom the horoscope part of it for the decision. And after that it comes to me for the approval of how the boy looks. If everything is all good but if i am not comfortable with how the guy looks then we don't proceed with it. He asked, " Then do you say ok immediately if these stages are passed? " I said no , definitely next stage would be interaction with the boy to see if we are able to be comfortable with each other.Then it goes from there. He asked me, " Don't you feel you both need a lot in common to gel well? " I said no, not at all. Yes definitely common interests help to gel well initially but i feel there is something more because just getting married is not important, staying married is more important. I said, i would say its very similar to the scenario as how prestigious institutes can help you get a job, but it's the skills which would help you stay in the job !! :) So i feel there are much more important things than just similar interests. He laughed and asked me could you explain more?!
I said ok, see Interests are something which can be developed overtime, just that we shouldn't have a closed attitude. The interests which we had 5 years back are not there now! It is not constant. So how can we decide just based on similar interests? He gave me a confused look. I joked oh most of you guys are so silly and childish. Let me explain in a way you boys understand. If travel is a common interest for us both, initially we would love to talk about the places we have visited and our bucket lists. Even in that one common interest travel,there can be differences!! " Differences?" he asked. I said yes. As a boy you may like to travel to lot of budget friendly places and activity filled places. But as a girl initially i might enjoy those but chances are there few girls may prefer only luxurious travel and shopping! There should be maturity between both regarding when to choose which destination. Will you say ok if your wife wants to travel only to luxurious places?? He said " No way,If i keep spending for only travel like this how can i run my family?" I Laughed haha thats why i felt more than the similar interest here, you need maturity in handling the interest. Even if she is not a regular traveller but she has an affinity for travelling, the girl will understand the priority,need and be able to handle the situation with maturity than an avid traveller who would want to pursue her interest in travelling to luxurious places! Come on she is not wrong i said !! He giggled!
I asked, " I have a doubt, do you guys really think about life after or just choose a girl based on the initial common interests? " He replied , " Once we both gel well due to our common interests,We both will be able to adjust forever. " I laughed and asked, "Come on you really think so?" " I assume" he replied. I said i will ask you a set of questions, answer me , then i will agree with your assumption. He said ok.
I always felt it is these things which are really very necessary in helping couples to stay married.
1) The similarity between what we want in life or out of life. One person maybe materialistic another person may not be. We should see if that attitude matches. Because if the guy is not materialistic but the girl is, problems starts as life goes as the need and wants won't match and both of them would be dissatisfied always.Common interests won't help you dude! Similarly if the Guy is materialistic and the girl is not, tensions and dissatisfaction prevails.
2) Similarity in values i.e traditional/modern. As a guy you maybe very modern but in the process of looking out for a supposedly very modern/cosmopoliton girl you forget in the case of an arranged marriage, your parents are very important and they would expect the girl to follow certain traditions as the daughter in law if they are traditional. And trust me, there are modern/cosmopoliton girls who feel following even those certain basic or simple traditions is not necessary/important and that's how she has been brought up.Are you ready to face disagreements between your partner and your parents forever if your life partner is similar to the above mentioned one? Being modern/cosmopoliton includes dressing,attitude,behaviour,being independent. There is nothing right or wrong. Check if that other person's values would disrupt the harmony and peace in your day to day life.
3) Basic character and attitude generally. If that would be suitable for you and the family. Because that's the only thing which doesn't change even if interests change.
4) Handling each others temperment. If each one is able to converse normally with each other without any major conflicts or being irritated and if they are able to handle each other during the bad mood days !!!
5) If the partner is " I need space" kind , will that kind of person gel with you in the longer run? Because as a guy you may feel the need to stay together with parents in their old age, But definitely you must check with the temperament. attitude, maturity and willingness for the Old School thoughts for peace and harmony in the longer run because this is an arranged marriage.
He asked , "so do you think staying together and looking after parents in their old age is old school thought" . I replied , " Yes definitely. If you expect a very modern independent/cosmopolitan girl,she will always need her space and would like to stay alone whether its her parent or your parent. You cant expect her to change her nature as and when you wish."
Don't you feel these are major criteria to be checked or boxes to be ticked instead of just common interests box?! I said most of you guys are so childish, you don't think about what is important in the longer run and what has to be expected initially and what can be developed/changed and what cannot be. He scolded me saying never make a generalized statement. We boys know all this too just that we may take time in thinking and analysing things. And don't think you girls are very smart ! We boys also know!!
After a small girls vs boys argument. He said i have to admit what you have mentioned is agreeable and these things have to be pondered on. He was so proud of my mature way of thinking!! He asked me ,So are these the qualities which would make you fall for a guy?
I replied, " Hahaha ... Yes attitude towards life is very important to me. But yes If the guy also look like one of my favourite heros, I would fall for him immediately ;) :P."
Comments
- Gopal Chitappa